Journals25
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------- back but going
1 min read
........ back but I'm going to drop my rp accounts. I have personal reasons I wish not to say and I believe that memories will be enough to live on. I'm sorry it's so sudden and it's probably stupid of me to not tell my reason why. You guys can hate me all you want but you have to admit; It was fun while it lasted. Pretty soon I'm gonna go. See ya later, guys!
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....... -not a happy journal.-
1 min read
.... this is about.... an unfortunate event.... involving Kao... and Lero.... Right now, the rain is drizzling and I wish it would become heavy to hide the rain drops on our face..... I can't say it..... -Just Note-
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Hiatus~
1 min read
and I are now aware that we are moving. Dunno when but either this week, next week, or the week after that.Til then, See ya later.
Want to keep contact with us? Then send an letter if you want-
1451 N 38th st.
Milwaukee, WI 53208-2237.
-copied and pasted XD
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A Coward, I am...
8 min read
It's probably stupid of me of doing this but I don't care. It's not like this is any important.... but still I am disappointed..... I'm disappointed in people and myself. Although, who actually care about what one boy of young age have to say....?
Anyway I want to say some words to my sisters. They are not biological but I consider them one. Close ones.... deeply close ones. -except with one-
I'm not like an fake... I want to help yet you guys keep yourself quiet or you just can't stand one another. So I'll be honest.... so honest that it also disappoint me. Since I considered myself not to be an good friend for not being there fff.
--e-------- = I have to be honest. You are like an sister but.... what's sad is that ever since I met you, you seem nice... and I thought we can get along. Sure we did.... and with the others.... but I soon realized.... lots of unimportant dramas began. I've felt like I was stabbed a lot because of those dramas. I want to forget that but still... the invisible knife that was used to stab me continues to rip my flesh... killing me emotionally, and mentally. What I am saying... I want to be friends with you... wishing that this could still be the same.... but it seems like a heavy weight to lift of all the stress and drama. Please.... think of other people's FEELINGS whether in real, online, IM, or ANYWHERE. Even if it's fake... we all have feelings. In character or out. Please... stop the dramas... Because I'm getting to my limit as well. I feel like it's tearing us all up.
-------a------ = .... From the depths of my heart- cheesy but I don't give a crap at the moment- You are like an sister. I'm willing to do anything that will make you happy. I don't want you to be by yourself, or trying to sort out an issue that you know will confuse you by yourself. That's why my role of an sibling comes in. I want to listen to you tell me about your problems. Don't be like me of wearing that mask. I'm an horrible person of still doing that and I don't want my lil sister here to do that as well. You're an growing child that will soon experience hardship in life. I tell you it's not easy at all haha.... but still, I want to talk to you. Don't leave me out. As my role of an brother, I will try my best to help guide you. You just need to grant me permission by telling me. I just wish things were as like they were before....
--a----- = As Much as I hate your complaints and your antisocial self who gets push around in real I still want to be seen as an brother. Not as an younger brother but as equals. That day when it was de-ja-vu all over again, I never wanted it to happen. Suicide was on my mind whenever I thought you have gone afar to the land where I can never reach unless I erase my existence. I know you as well as you know me. I know you when you refuse myself but inside you need me more than you thought. I don't hate that... it shows me you still need me to guide you. Well, after all, we both need each other... Heh, as I recall on our past I see you as some girl who wants to wins. Funny; Such a feisty, competitive person on the outside but nice, shy, and sad who can't even stick up for your inner self is what you truly are. I don't blame you. Your happiness of getting image from your head onto paper makes you smile. It shows me that nice part of you. Your desire to your creative mind makes me happy that you'll make it through life without me... but until then, please let me be your brother until we one day part.... Just be more social....
----r-- = You're always down... I know you have an harsh time but be on the positive and look at the bright side. Like the ones I have commented on here, I want to be your brother who will Help you. I may be useless at some but at least I am trying my best to think up solutions for you. Why do you think I'm trying so hard or trying my best to help you? I care for you to offer my time helping you. Smile more, think positive, and live happily. Even when you have problems and tells us then think of something funny so that the bad mood wouldn't always be bad or so. But ah, well. It's alright. Not much to say here since I'm getting tired. lol.
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I decided to post this up of some people I have in mind that are IMPORTANT to me. This year... the year that was fun for me... was ruined by so many dramas. One friend looked down upon us as we were talking happily and leaving that one friend in the dark, unable to tell us. We know it makes us better to talk to one another about our problem. Yet, we didn't take my friend seriously and that friend looked down upon us... what irked me was how much I wanted to make up and help, yet the people around me says I have to give my friend time to think and cool off. I want to help my friend. So I go against their will and helped my friend because I wanted to. There's no argument that I can't. That friend ended up feeling better when the drama was spoken. All along, my friend just needed us to listen in just an different way.
Then there was another drama. I was called to help. I am willing to help but what disappointed me was the hint of selfishness. I'm sorry but this was getting no where. I see that they're still the same, yet I'm not even sure if they're the same as back then. My eyes are tired, I want to sleep. But the impact of this is breaking me apart. I can't close my eyes knowing this pain with my friends and love ones is serious. This pain grows and grows and it gets harder and harder to endure. I hate this suffering that I want to destroy it. The words that want to shout, "Stop it, stop it, stop it!!! I can't take this craziness!!! This is so stupid I want it to end!!!" yet it still continues.... so my mind began to erode away. I found myself using that mask. I can easily trick others for my mask. So I'm an horrible person... since I lie. As I have said before, I love my love ones... is that so wrong? To love one another? There is no difference of love. Didn't the mothers and fathers whom taught us that all people are equals? If so... then answer my question.
"If we are made equals... then why do some hate the love we share for one another?" Not just skin.... but gender, age, and it's painful. Painful for the victims and the people that are effected by it. Unexpected events are most painful.... I do not understand the human heart... but I do know that everyone is horrible. In the deepest part of their heart lies an darkness that is the ugly terrible part of their selves. Yet, we are unaware of our limits and how we can control it. For me... I let it posses me... I can't control it. I can't control my emotions of this twisted drama. I want to forget this... even if I do the scars will still remain. How selfish, foolish, pathetic, and horribly dumb we are for our desire. I am one too, and I do not deny it. Now I ask, tell me your opinion... and I will decide if I shall wear my mask or destroy it to reveal the coward that I am. I end this with these last words for now.
"I'm not ashamed to talk, I'm not ashamed to step up, but I am ashamed is not being there to help the ones I love when they are in need...."
-probably didn't make sense- but I don't care.... probably filled with grammars but I don't care. But stop. Just stop it all.
Thank you for reading.-
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